#9 Becoming Newsworthy during an Election

There is nothing we bald guys like more than proving that we matter. The more hair we lose, the less significance we have and who matters more right now than the undecided voter? no one. Leave it to the brilliant bald man to step into that role, and for a few days at least, Joe the Plumber, proved that he mattered. What shouldn't matter is that his name is actually Sam, that he doesn't actually have a plumber's license and the business he said he was going to buy actually makes about $100,000/year, not the $200,000 that Joe, I mean, Sam estimated.

The only thing that matters is that the bald man matters in this election. At the Town Hall debate, their were 3 bald men in the same section representing undecided voters in Ohio... as well as bald men all over the world. We'll ask the tough questions and then pretend that we represent a party that the tough question we just asked would matter to. We also will attend that town hall debate, arrive 10 minutes before everyone else and make sure that we can sit no more that 3 feet away from another bald man. We travel in packs, like a tribe, with the tattoos to prove it, and we will find a way to matter in this world.

#8 Tattoos

According to the International Society of Hair Restoration Surgery, "It is estimated that 35 million men in the United States are affected by male pattern baldness or androgenetic alopecia" What that means, is that something that lasts forever for most people (hair), does not last forever for baldys. So it makes sense, that tattoos, something that absolutely lasts forever, would be something that we bald men would covet. Tribal tattoos seem to be the tattoo of choice, as they also allow us to pretend that we are a part of something, instead of the outcasts that have been cast aside by all of those with flowing locks. They allow us to feel like we are all on the same team or tribe; the same weird, hairless tribe. And our tribe meetings occur at the beginning of parties, where we can congregate and wait for the rest of the guests who arrive 10 minutes later than us, because they had to fix their hair.